The Things I Wish I'd Said To You
by oOo Not A Damsel oOo
Summary: A series of letters from my characters to their friends, characters from two different Roleplays, The Crossroads and The Convergence.
1. Leigh-Rose to Peter

Dear Peter,

I have written this letter over and over again, trying to find the right words to say this with. When I finished it for the forty-second time I had to celebrate somehow. I've been working on it for a long time, gathering ways to say two words. I've said them aloud so many times to you and you always as why, or for what, these are the responses that I should have given you, the things I should have said. My past and my future are both things that I don't know for different reasons, my past because I do not understand why I did them and my future because it is always changing. No matter how I try to guess, I can't ever see the things that happen before they do. I could never have expected the whirlwind that came with me meeting you for the first time. Here goes nothing.

Do you remember that one night, we'd gotten back from the roller coaster park and returned to the cabin. You said we were home and it made my heart race. I don't know if you meant to but it made me feel like you thought it was home because I was there. My home is where you are, is your home where I am? You told me that I looked like a princess, I thought that you looked like a prince. You looked like you though, like it was just your inner beauty coming through. I've never been good with words and here I am, writing you a letter. But this is why I did the things that I did. Okay? Just, stick with me here, okay?

The first time I saw you we were in that warehouse. All day since I woke up in that tower I'd been looking for something or somewhere to practice. And then I'd come across ballet. I've done it for years, but I didn't remember the fun I'd always had doing it until I magically became Evangeline. That girl was my better side and I can't help but think that she's the one you fell in love with. You'd been hiding out in the rafters when you said that I danced well, I remember my cheeks turning pink when I actually caught a glimpse of you. Let's just say I thought you were incredibly handsome, the way one of your eyebrows was obviously lifted above the other was adorable. I know you hate it when I say that, but you are truly cute and there's no avoiding it. That was the first time I had a reason to like someone, not just that he'd followed me home and asked for something that I knew I could give him. No, you never asked for anything of the sort and that was the best part of you. You asked what you could do, not for me to do something for you.

That day that I didn't know what to do with myself, those times when it was storming outside, all of them show that you are not what people say you are. You are the best guy that I've ever met and, I know this to be a fact, you are more of a man than any real man I've ever met. People are cowards and they blame others for their mistakes. I know this to be true as well. But we are all only human, excluding my half-god side and the fact that you're not technically entirely human… Never mind that. That came out wrong, it sounded better in my head.

But my favorite moment with you wasn't too long ago, a few weeks, maybe. It could have been months. But you were Robbie and I was Evangeline, but they were exactly like us. He was a little more oblivious, if that's possible, and she wasn't like me past-wise. You came through the window and almost fell, I'd been dancing. For a moment I smiled until you got stuck and I had to pull you through into my room. I fell back and you somehow ended up on top of me in a way that made my cheeks heat up. Your face got all red and I didn't let that go for a long while after. But you picked me up and kissed me gently, as you always seem to do, and my day was completely brightened up. Things happened earlier in the day that had me beginning to doubt myself all over again, but you fixed that as you always do. That is why I love you, you always pick me up when I'm on the ground, literally.

There are things that I cannot change, Peter. Like how I was when I was fifteen, more than a year ago, or how I never seem to trust or like myself as much as I do other people. It's not that I do not trust you, of course I trust you. More than anyone, I trust you with everything and I will tell you anything that you want me to without a moment's hesitation. It's that I can't trust myself after the things I've done. There was a time when I was completely alone. Jackson was off on some adventure to save people and Leo was with the rest of his friends at the other camp, but that's not important. There wasn't anyone to keep me from going AWAL. I don't do well when others aren't around, when I know they're not going to be around, so I lost it for a few days. I locked myself in my cabin with my weapons and my powers at my disposal and I took my anger out on the only other person in there. Me. There were bruises all over my body, I still have the scars to prove it if you want to see on any day. I'll show you. They found me a week later, I'd almost died Peter. I did that all to myself. That is why I don't trust myself with anything.

Yes, my past doesn't seem too bad at times, and sometimes it isn't all that it seems to be. But there are times that I remember what happened at some random moment years ago and I tear up like a big baby, then I start to cry. I don't know why I do that and I'm so so sorry that I make you deal with that. But that time when I locked myself away and hurt myself is why I'm terrified of thunderstorms, of what I control. What if I caused that storm when I had an episode? What if someone out there got hurt because of a weather problem that I caused? But none of those are likely anymore. I have regained control and things are getting better. Do you want to know why they're getting better? Because of you. You're the light at the end of my tunnel, the one who brings me back from those dark places. That is why I always thank you. I can't say it enough. You saved me, these things that you say, the way you say them that makes me laugh or smile, means so much more than you know.

Now, there are so many things that I want to show you. How to dance, all of the beautiful music that's out there in the world, maybe how to work a camera or a phone when I get the time, my past, I can't even list them all as I don't have enough room on this piece of paper. But, out of everything I want to show you how much you mean to me. If Malcolm ever comes to take you back I swear that I'll kill him. He will never get you, there's nothing you need to be scared of there. He's not coming. That much I swear to make sure of. He's had you before, I saw your scars that day when you got hurt and I had to help you, when your ribs were broken. I saw them, the words carved into your skin. It's not true, none of them. You aren't his, you are mine. If that means anything to you, I mean it like you do not belong to anyone. But if you want to say that they mean something else I'm completely for the idea that he was predicting that you would be someone's someday. I am yours, you are mine, however you want to say it. I don't care. I want you to know that scars are nothing to me, the past is nothing to me, they have made you who you are now and that is what matters. People have shown me that and I know it now. There are things you have shown me, that I matter enough, that I can protect people, no matter what others say there are things I can do, and a lot that I can't.

And, for all of these things, thank you Peter Pan.

With The Most Love,

Leigh-Rose Carson


	2. Sophia to Nate

Dear Nate,

I remember everything that's happened, I promise you that I do. But there are so many things that I wished I could have said to you. For one, why? Why would you do those things to me when you said you loved me? Because, I'd loved you up until our memories changed and you loved her instead of me. My worst fear had come true with that one and it broke my heart when you told me to leave. I can easily recall the way you told me to get out of your house, the house I'd lived in for months on end, the house in which we lived together. Because I'd had so much hope that you'd still come back to me, I'd gotten you back before.

When you forgot who everyone was after you died, I still had you. After the white world, you still took me on a real date and you were still… well, you. But this time I thought that would happen again. Oh, how I was so incredibly wrong.

Throughout my life, there have been a lot of things that have happened to me, a lot of things that I wish didn't happen, too many of those things. There was a time when I lost control because I lost you, my anchor. It wasn't as bad as the time I died and you nearly went insane. Where did that man go? The one that I had fallen in love with and gotten so angry when he worried about me. Where is he now that you're with her? I know you're cheating on me.

I know that you are and I just wish that I could forget you even existed. I wish I could forget your smile or the way your lips feel against mine, I wish that none of those things happened, that I'd never done anything like that w you and that I was still happy. Because now I'm sitting here, on this stupid bench, writing this stupid letter to the boy that I was so stupid to love. I hate the decision that I made to trust you, I shouldn't have. It was my worst mistake. You took my heart and crushed it.

Now, I know that you can't be trusted. That I shouldn't go back to you. But I still miss you, I still think about you all the time and I still want to be with you just like I was before. Everyone says that cheaters are the lowest scum of the earth and I know it's true, but I can't help but think that you didn't mean to hurt me. That this world is still toying with our minds and that we might still have the opportunity to have a life together in the future.

We were going to adopt Peter, I had a dream where you were going to propose to me, we were going to be happy. Right? I found the ring in your drawer and I didn't tell you. But then you never presented it to me, do you understand how that crushed me? I thought, 'Maybe he's just waiting. We've talked about this before. It'll be soon." But it wasn't soon, because then the world changed again and you avoided me at all costs. That hurt the most. How could you have forgotten all of that? The times we'd spent together... I don't understand.

And, when everything was back to normal, you told me that everything was okay, that it would be the same as always. I felt like such an idiot when I saw you and her together. I didn't tell you, I couldn't bring myself to do it, but nor could I sit back and watch everything happy that I had crumble to the ground where it shattered into a million smaller pieces. I was so _stupid_ so _naive_.

For this I would like to say that I cannot forgive you, no. For doing this I cannot say that I will love you again. My pain has been ended since I left that horrible world and I can't even remember your first name, or your last name. But I will always have them stored somewhere deep in my mind, along with the boy who I considered my son, the sister I will probably never meet, the brother I lost, the mother who mistreats me, and my friends who I will never see again.

So, with as many words as I can manage to get out, you should be sorry. I long for the day you will apologize to me, I miss the times when I didn't have you on my mind and I long for the days in which I was happy, carefree enough to be that young girl that I started out as.

I Hate You.

From, Sophia Walters.


	3. Jackson to Jaxon, Connor to Belle

**A/N: Connor Stoll is an idiot. That much we all know. But, as most people do, he fell in love and got married with the most unlikely of people.**

Dear Princess Belle, holder of my heart and soul,

I wanted you to know how I felt the first time you asked that question. It was in our apartment, or flat as you call it, about a week after our wedding. Maybe it was hours after, could have been months for all I care. But all I know is that you asked me that one question that I've been waiting so long to ask you. Longer than when I asked you to be my wife. I know I hadn't been with you long, not the way I wanted to be, but we'd been friends for a while.

Its a moment like this when I can't even think about anything but you. See, that's why I'm writing this note, letter, tidbit, whatever you want to call it. But I remember the first time we met. Do you? It was at the training grounds, you were visiting the kid, Leigh-Rose, for the weekend from somewhere in the city. But you, being you, challenged me to a fight. It was then I knew that it was one what I wasn't going to win but I, being me, tried as hard as I could to kick your ass.

It didn't work out to well. It had looked like I was going to win for a little while, but then you kicked me in the jewels and it was over. Though, as I look back, it was kind of weird, I didn't stop thinking about you afterwards. That badass girl who'd had the strength to beat me quickly and that badass girl who seemed to be a master of any weapon she tested out.

I didn't see you again until you were about to leave. You were smiling, I thought it was at me and I remember that I returned the smile. You didn't like me, that I realized after you left and Leigh-Rose told me that you thought I was an idiot. But, again with me being me, I waited until you came again two months later. Long story short, the first date happened and it was one of the best and worst things I've ever done.

It ended with us covered in paint that spilled from the top of the Big House, they'd been renovating. My back was completely neon green and my entire front was blue, you should have seen your face. You were all red, from the paint, but it suited the anger that you had. Long story short, a kick to the jewels again and the date went to hell. So I tried again and again to ask you until you said yes. Eventually you did, but I think it was just to get me to leave me alone.

Fast forward three years and we'd gotten close. Really close. I'd known that I loved you for nearly two years by then, but you'd only felt the same for a year and half. Gods, if I'd had the guts to tell you sooner... I don't know what would have happened. But it was exactly three years from that awful first date and I'd had a ring all picked out for you. I see it every day now, the silver band around your finger with the sapphires around the whole thing. I didn't have much of an idea as to what to get you, so I guessed. And you loved it. I only had to ask once for you to say yes.

So, what I'm say is yes. When you asked me if I wanted kids, I said I'd think about it. But now and always the answer will be yes. If you want anything then I'll try as best as I can to give it to you.

Love,

Connor

* * *

 **A/N: This letter takes a completely different turn. After the things he's been through, he's accidentally hurt the people around him. Including the one friend that he's always had, his brother. Jaxon.**

Jaxon,

I'm sorry, so so sorry. For all of the things I've done to you, the things that I've said, the lies that we told each other, for leaving you alone when I thought that I needed to take care of my family. But there are things that I need to do now. Aveline's getting older by the day and Myra... she's alright. Mostly. But she's nineteen and I'm only twenty-one. I've come to terms with having her in my life, with having both of them. But to be a father is completely different than anything before. You know that I've never been good at balancing things, you know that about me. Ever since my family died I've been a bit of a mess when it comes to stuff like that. She's six years old now.

But now your mother is here and I'm starting to think that you're going to spend all of your time with her and not with me. I don't deserve your time, I really don't, but I thought that we might be able to become friends again. I'd like that more than anything and she needs her Uncle to be there. You and I both know what it's like to grow up without any family around. I don't want her to even remotely understand what that's like.

I'm not the best writer out there, but I think this gets across the message that I was trying for. You're my brother, you always have been. So slam your head on a table a few times and wake up. You have me, Katie, your mom, Aveline, and I'm sure Myra's on board to help you, or anyone as a matter of fact, any time.

-Jackson


End file.
